So the Oscars have announced that they’ll be having two hosts this year, but they’re not telling us who they are yet. Great! Because we all know the Anne Hathaway-James Franco co-hosting gig went so well. While fans are tossing out suggestions like Key and Peele or Fey and Poehler, Oscar should think beyond the obvious if he really wants to liven things up. Here are a few suggestions.
Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill
The Oscars will air just a few weeks before their “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” launches. This is one of those little movies that could fall through the cracks, so anything that might help get the word out about it would help its prospects.
Miley Cyrus and Kanye West
How could it fail to be cray-cray? We all know Oscar needs to youthify his demographic. Miley is guaranteed to do unspeakable things with the statuettes, and Kanye will make the Best Actor and Actress speeches more interesting by not letting the winners actually talk.
Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly
Their show got massive ratings last time, so why not try again? It’ll be like the “All in the Family” shtick — except this time Meathead is smart and beautiful and has a law degree, and Archie is paranoid about the Mexicans instead of the blacks.
Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie
They’re two talented, beautiful amazing, accomplished women who represent the purest distillation of Hollywood glamour, sophistication and poise to the world. Also, there’s a small possibility that this would be the first Oscarcast in which one of the co-hosts accidentally bludgeons the other with the Best Documentary Short Subject Oscar.
Idris Elba and Daniel Craig
The perfect moment for the Bond baton to be passed, no? Elba can calm everyone down by wearing a tuxedo, speaking with an impeccable upper-class British accent, and not being at all street. Craig can bring a weird, dada vibe to the proceedings by reading goofy jokes while maintaining his patented “I Will Hurt You” facial expression.
Beyoncé and Jay Z
The Academy has been wrestling with the problem of the elderly nature of most of its voters (median age: old enough to remember when that newfangled technology “color” came to the movies). This will kill them off for good. Also, not since that time Alec Baldwin co-hosted with Steve Martin have we seen this kind of raw sexual attraction. The only drawback is your TV might explode with the awesomeness.
Rebel Wilson and Amy Schumer
Nah, they might actually be funny. Wouldn’t want to spoil the tradition.