Celebrities might seem like an unusual source for relationship advice — but Taylor Swift recently dropped a tidbit of her dating philosophy that we all may be able to apply to our own love lives.
In the September issue of Vanity Fair, the pop superstar revealed that she and her girlfriends (whom she famously refers to as her “squad”) sometimes date the same people — and none of them minds.
“It’s almost like the sisterhood has such a higher place on the list of priorities for us,” Swift tells the mag. “It’s so much more important than some guy that it didn’t work out with.
“Now more than ever we need to be good and kind to each other and not judge each other,” she adds. “And just because you have the same taste in men, we don’t hold that against each other.”
That’s a pretty progressive point of view — and not necessarily one exclusive to celebs who move in A-list social circles. Why fight the urge to date someone you really like just because the two of you have a friend in common?
For those emboldened by Swift’s words, here are five ways to date your friend’s ex — without making it totally awkward.
Get permission to pursue
Rule No. 1: If you want to get to know your pal’s ex better, you have to get your bud’s blessing first. It doesn’t have to be an “ask” so much as a heads up to let them know your intentions. If the friend does have a problem with this, the choice to mess up the squad is completely up to you.
Figure out who will break the news to the friend first
In other words, don’t bring your beau along to tell your friend. As the pal dating the ex, you’re the first person responsible for maintaining the friendship — so the burden of breaking the news is on you, and it must be done respectfully. An in-person conversation is ideal, but a phone call is the very least you can do — so don’t even think about texting, “Hey BFF, just want to let u know me and ur ex are dating.”
Establish the significance of the relationship
No one likes a conversation that starts with the question, “What are we?” But we’re not talking about a normal relationship here. Before risking a friendship, figure out if the relationship is worth the drama that can potentially unfold. If it’s just a fling, maybe sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened.
Consider how serious your friend’s relationship was
Maybe your BFF only went on a couple of dates with the guy or gal — so breaking the news might not be that big a deal because, well, their relationship wasn’t that big a deal. That’s no reason not to say anything, but it’s worth considering.
Give the friend time, if necessary
Dating a friend’s former S.O. may be more acceptable than ever, but it’s still awkward — so you might need to hold off on parading their ex at every happy hour gathering (as much as you might want to). Be sensitive and tactful. Things will change — perhaps not for the worse — but use caution before canoodling in front of the friend.
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