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Shut Up About Tom Brady’s Legacy

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Here’s a true sentence packed with enough ridiculousness to blast a person across the room like a cannon: a U.S. District Court ruling is anticipated today or tomorrow on whether one of the NFL’s all-time greatest players can be penalized for having general knowledge that some footballs were at some point fractionally less inflated than they may have been at some other point prior to the start of a playoff game, for unknown reasons, and to unknown, dubious effect. This ruling will notably not be made by Gonzo, adorably dressed in robes and a powdered parliament wig, but by an actual, you know, judge. A real human judge.

Here’s a thing that will not be influenced today, via this ruling, nor via anything that happens after today, nor by anything that happened before today, because it is completely imaginary and we all need to lean into a handful of smelling salts and stop talking about it already: Tom Brady’s “legacy.”

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Ah, but see, a great many lowing morons are at pains to safeguard the false idea that it means something when they angrily call men who play sports for a living “cheaters” with all the volatile intensity of a capital-murder sentencing hearing. Here’s USA Today’s FTW wondering whether Brady potentially shaving two games off his suspension would “be worth the hit his legacy took” in this whole appeals process. And here’s ESPN’s Jeffri Chadiha asserting that no appeals process can possibly “keep the taint off his legacy,” which evokes images of Chadiha smirkingly teabagging a printout of Brady’s career accomplishments. Where will the taint go, Tom? Will it go… on the legacy???? The Washington Post’s Adam Kilgore today took a more somber tone than his earlier, searingly hot condemnation in doubting whether Brady can ever “clear his name,” no matter the ruling. The poor name “Tom Brady” will be cruelly cast to the wilderness when he is forced to change his name to “Benedicto Cumberbetch,” probably.

Let’s think about this legacy business [cracks open giant, dusty dictionary, flips disgustedly past hangry, makes a furious u-turn at manic pixie dream girl]: generally, legacy refers to something that is handed down by a predecessor, although in the context of sports and pop-culture it seems to have become shorthand for how such and such will be remembered. I mean, it has to be that, right? It can’t be what he hands down to the next generation, because that’s, like, not how the NFL works. It’s not like Tom Brady pulls Jimmy Garoppolo into a room and hands him his prestige, playbook mastery, and superhuman ability to not be high-fived following a Patriots touchdown. I now bequeath to you the great bounty of my career achievements, so that you may safeguard them for future generations. Nah.

So, then, how will Tom Brady be remembered? Well, for starters, by whom? There is a roughly zero percent chance that he will be remembered by Patriots fans as anything other than a superhero. After all, he is very definitively the best player in the history of the franchise, and the face of their long-enduring football dynasty. How will his fellow players remember him, though? There is ample evidence that his peers see him both as just the latest victim of Roger Goodell’s absurd quest to delegitimize his own league, and as, well, a kick-ass professional football player.

From any distance, these legacy-obsessed columns boil down to an effort to assess the fallout of Ballghazi in the hazy, pliable language of catchwords. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say they are asserting rather than assessing, as the condemning, declarative tones these writers whip out give the impression that these men shorted thousands of shares of Tom Brady’s Legacy, and are now suddenly tugging their collars and worrying the strategy might backfire. Here is why this invisible, imaginary thing is losing value and you should sell sell SELL!

But this is a fool’s errand. When all this Ballghazi shit is over—just a few hours from now, thank God—the people who will care the most, aside from those actively employed by either the Patriots or the NFL, will be Patriots fans who are glad to have Brady back for the start of the season and fantasy football owners. Sure, opposing fans will boo and taunt and yell increasingly unfunny lines about Brady’s little balls, but what visiting player doesn’t already deal with this shit? It’s not like restaurants will take a principled stand and refuse to seat Tom Brady for having general knowledge of some footballs being a little under-inflated. Pinpointing some real-world penalty for Brady’s tarnished legacy, or even the existence of such a phenomenon, is impossible, because the whole thing exists entirely in the sad, confused minds of people who wear their favorite players’ jerseys to the bar on Sundays, and those who make their living by riling the people in those jerseys.

And, down the line, secure with the respect of his peers and however many Super Bowl rings and a bust in Canton and millions of dollars to his name and the permanent adoration of millions and millions of fans, cruising the Mediterranean in a hundred-foot yacht with his beautiful family, the least likely thing in the whole world is that Tom Brady will give the remotest shit about what an unknowable number of sad-ass football fans and hot-take writers think of his “legacy.” I was the greatest player of my generation and I have an idyllic existence, but Rocco in Utica says my Super Bowls are invalidated [kills self].

Tom Brady’s “legacy” is meaningless in the physical universe and no one who matters cares about it, so what the hell are we all talking about?

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Remember the freak couple caught having sex on the counter at Dominos Pizza shop? They have been sentenced…lol

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Remember the British couple caught having sex on the counter of Dominos Pizza shop some months ago? Well, they went on trial this week for breaking local public decency laws.

 

The woman is a bartender named Daniella Hirst and her boyfriend is Craig Smith. They were found guilty in court yesterday and sentenced to a fine and community service. They will not serve any jail time.

Remember the freak couple caught having sex on the counter at Dominos Pizza shop? They have been sentenced...lol

 

© 2017, Ikrueyen Vickky. All rights reserved.

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President Buhari, wife Aisha and daughter Hanan meet Turkish president and his wife

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President Buhari, his wife Mrs AIsha Buhari and daughter Halima joined President Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey and his wife Mrs Ermine Erdogan in a group photo during the Official Working Visit at the Presidential Palace Ankara Turkey today October 19th.  President Buhari joined by President Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey also met Nigerian Footballer William Ekong who resides in Turkey.  President Buhari and his wife Mrs AIsha Buhari with President Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey accompanied by his wife Mrs Ermine Erdogan joined by Speaker of the Turkish Grand National Assembly Ismail Karahman during a Luncheon hosted in honor of President Buhari. See more photos below

Photos: President Buhari, wife Aisha and daughter Hanan meet Turkish president and his wife

Photos: President Buhari, wife Aisha and daughter Hanan meet Turkish president and his wife

Photos: President Buhari, wife Aisha and daughter Hanan meet Turkish president and his wife

Photos: President Buhari, wife Aisha and daughter Hanan meet Turkish president and his wife

© 2017, Ikrueyen Vickky. All rights reserved.

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Donald Trump is a “foul-mouthed man who pretends to be an idiot” – Iran’s Supreme leader, Ayatollah

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Reacting to US President, Donald Trump’s intention to decertify the Iran nuclear deal, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader, has described Trump as “foul-mouthed” and someone who “pretends to be an idiot.”

 

He spoke before a group of what was described by his office as “hundreds of young elites and outstanding scientific talents” saying that the European opposition to Trump’s decision was “good, but not enough.”

 

“The Europeans must stand up against the US measures including the sanctions they anticipate to emerge from Congress,” he said.

 

Khamenei told his audience that he didn’t want to spend his time commenting on Trump saying “it would be a waste of time to respond to such blatherings and nonsensical remarks by the foul-mouthed US President who pretends to be an idiot, but this should not cause us to let our guard down. They want to take back young, faithful and developed Iran to 50 years ago, and of course this is not possible, but due to backwardness, they are incapable of understanding this reality, and for this reason they have made a miscalculation and suffered, and will suffer successive defeats at the hands of the Iranian nation,” he said.

© 2017, Ikrueyen Vickky. All rights reserved.

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